Facts of Life Part II - Let me out of there!

I thought I had dodged a bullet with Joshy B and his questioning about how you make a baby. He seemed satisfied with my explanation of how babies were made. (See yesterday's blog for my explanation of the miracle of life)

Then he says to me, "Well how does the baby come out?"

"Well, the mom has really bad stomach aches and goes to the doctor and the doctor gets the baby out."

"Like a sliver or a thorn or a spiny pine?"

"Uh, yeah, sort of."

He was happy with that. When you have an inquisitive kid, one should always let sleeping dogs lie. One should also never fill in their day care provider on the happenings of the evening before if she's a ballsy kind of chick who likes to laugh and play practical jokes.

"Josh," Kathy said with a devilish tone. "HOW does the doctor get the baby out?"

Josh thought for a moment and then looked at me for the answer. "Well, Mom?"

"Uh, well..." I said, swallowing hard, attempting to rid myself of the lump that had formed in my throat.

"Sometimes, the doctor has to cut open the mom's tummy to get the baby out." *Maybe that'll distract him*

"Let me see where he put your tummy back together!"

"Oh, I didn't have to have my tummy cut open honey. I, uh...ummmmm...I just pushed you out. I don't really know a whole lot about the process because I had my eyes closed the whole time. And next thing I knew, there you were!"

He looked at me for a minute with a concerned look on his face. To a 5 year old, pushing is done with your hands and arms, so I'm sure he was trying to figure out how he got out of there, and then he says, "I've got it! I think babies come out of your mouth, and they're all wet and slimy, like I was in the picture. You know, like throw up. That's what I do when I have a tummy ache. But I don't go to the doctor. I just throw up. I throwed up chocolate milk last time. Remember that mom? And at Disney World, I throwed up. I remember one time, when I was 2, I throwed up that orange juice and I cried and cried and throwed up some more..."

And just like that, the subject of where babies come from and how they were born was closed, because to a five year old boy, talking about barfing is WAY more interesting.

I love being a mom.