CHDG Vs. Psycho Princess, Round 2

The CHDG Guild is growing. While out at work with my friend , we come across a food cart, painted suspiciously like the CHDG’s main cart. We get closer, and it was unmistakable. There was the sign: “ISAM HOTDOG #1”. Did he move? I altered my normal route to avoid him and here he is! As we get closer, we see it’s not the same cart, nor is it CHDG himself. However, it’s his sign, complete with the misspellings I’ve come to know and love. We’re about a block away from the original CHDG cart, and here is yet another ISAM cart. I have to rethink what the #1 stands for. I originally believed it to mean he had several carts and that this was #1, another might be ISAM HOTDOG #2 and so on.

But, here is a second cart, on the same block, also #1. How could that be? Perhaps there was a CHDG Guild Olympics and he won first place and the honor of naming his cart with the #1 extension.

I realize I can’t worry about these matters as he is branching out, trying to find me as I haven’t walked past him for a few days. After work, I decide to give him a peek at me…

So, I’m walking to my car after work and as you know, I have to walk past CHDG’s original home base. I approach it and I think I’m in the clear. Then, I hear it. He’s hissing at me! I’m sure it’s some CHDG guild magical hex. He keeps hissing, though not like an angry cat – more like a snake. A very big snake. I don’t want him to think he’s intimidating me, so I stop walking and turn around. I look at him and he turns around really quickly like he didn’t want me to catch him hissing at me. I point at him and yell “I’m onto you, clown!” As he begins to turn around to face me, I suddenly become frightened. What if his eyes are glowing? What if he has vampire teeth? What if his pants are falling down again? So, I ran. I ran as fast as I could up to the next corner. I stop to be sure he hasn’t followed me, and to my horror, I’m standing right next to the other ISAM hotdog #1! “AAAAAAHHHHHH!” I yell and keep on running.

I call my friend to tell her that I’m now being hissed at. She doesn’t have time to listen – she’s actually working (which is a big shock to those who know her, but I’ll write about that at some point). So, I get through the Department of Public Safety building and I see all of the news vans parked by the courthouse. (BIG murder trial here going on. It only took them 30 minutes to find the creep guilty, now we’re in the penalty phase.) I wonder if the news cameras would listen to my story about CHDG, thinking if I expose him for what he is, then others will know. And he won’t be able to peddle JUCE anymore. But they won’t listen. They believe that I truly am a psycho princess and their job is to report on the psycho inside the court room. They don’t want to help me. It’s a better story for them if CHDG and the Guild actually succeed in getting me. Isn’t that the way it usually works? No one cares while you’re here, but they’ll report on it when you’re gone – especially if you bite it while swimming, having your limbs crushed by an underwater steamroller, and escape only to be bashed in the head by crab pots - an untimely death for such a nice girl.

As I finally make it safely to my car, I speed through the parking deck. As I look out my window, there in front of me is a cute little car with a license plate that taunts me...