I'm just saying I love you

I have a unique gift. I have the ability to attempt to say something nice to someone and actually insult them. Below, my top 10 best (or worst) choices of words when attempting to pay someone a compliment, show concern or comment on something.

10. To: My husband
Occasion: There was a giant clump of dog hair on the front of his shirt
What I should have said: "You have a giant clump of dog hair on your shirt"
What I actually said: "Giant hairy belly!"

9. To: My sister
Occasion: She got a new hair style. I hadn’t seen her for a couple of months.
What I should have said: When did you get your hair cut and how did you decide on that style? (I really did like it!)
What I actually said: “Why did you do that to your hair?”

8. To: My husband
Occasion: Exchanging cliché’s meant to compliment the other person
What I should have said: “You have a face that could launch 1,000 ships.”
What I actually said: “Your face could stop a freight train.”

7. To: My husband
Occasion: Talking about being married for 6 years
What I should have said: “I love you and I have no interest in anyone else and no reason to look.”
What I actually said: “I’m surprised I haven’t gotten bored with you yet.”

6. To: My friend
Occasion: Her 3 year old daughter just got a hair cut and she asked if I thought it was cute.
What I should have said: “It’s very cute – the page boy haircut works for her.”
What I actually said: “It’s cute – like one of those bowl cuts”

5. To: My sister
Occasion: Her 35th birthday
What I should have said: “You’re only as old as you feel”
What I actually said: “You look as old as you feel”

4. To: My husband
Occasion: He bought me flowers for no reason.
What I should have said: “Thank you, I’m lucky to still have you.”
What I actually said: “You’re lucky you still have me.”

3. To: My son
Occasion: He had “pool toe” on the bottom of his foot from not wearing his pool shoes.
What I should have said: “Oh my, those are some big boo boos!”
What I actually said: “Oh my, those are some big boobies!”

2. To: My husband
Occasion: He hurt his back and couldn’t put something in the attic for me
What I should have said: “I’ll do it honey, I don’t want you to hurt yourself worse.”
What I actually said: “You’re not much use to me with your back like that.”

1. To: My Husband
Occasion: He had a tooth pulled and I was trying to sympathize with his pain.
What I should have said: "I'm sorry your mouth is hurting."
What I actually said: "I'm sorry about your face."