Crazy Hot Dog Guy Vs. Psycho Princess, Round 1

So, I'm walking to my car after work the other day, and I notice creepy hot dog guy (CHDG for short) glaring at me. He's packing up the hot dog cart for the day and I notice he's got a lot of stuff on his price list that he doesn't know how to spell. (see the picture of the infamous sign in my pics section - thans Anonymuse!) I'm thinking "Oh come on! If you're gonna sell it, you gotta spell it right." He's staring me down. Does he know what I'm thinking? Perhaps he belongs to a secret society of creepy hot dog vendors (kind of like the Priory of Scion, but more hot-doggy) and one of them somewhere has heard me talking about the proper way to spell J-U-I-C-E, told him that the Psycho Princess is making fun of him, and now he's got it in for me. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just paranoid.

However, I can tell you this about CHDG: he's really got to learn to keep it in his pants. The other day, I came out of the building and he's facing the sidewalk I'm walking up. I look closer and his pants are falling down, revealing a full-frontal view of him in his tighty-whities (which were really more like baggy-offwhities). He proceeded to pull up his pants and climb into his van. Ew, eww, ewwww! Did I mention EWWWWWWWWW?!?!

Then, just yesterday, I'm walking across the street, well past CHDG and I look up. Here he is, trying to turn left. I'm in the cross walk and it's like a game of cat and mouse. I stop walking, thinking he's going to go zipping through the intersection - he stops - we stare at each other for a minute - I take a step - he creeps forward - I stop - he stops- etc. etc. etc. Finally, I just figure if he wants to run me over, he's going to do it no matter what I'm doing, so I walk. He completes his turn VERY S--L-O-W-L-Y, glaring at me the whole way.

I called my friend and tell her "Look, if they find my body later, just remember creepy hot dog guy." She laughs, almost an evil laugh. "They're not going to find your body" she says and laughs again, sounding more sinister than usual. Then I have a thought...could she be a member of the CHDG guild? Perhaps she's his link to my inner most thoughts about his lack of command of the English language. It's a scary thought, but since she's my only MySpace friend, I'll have to put up with it.