Can't work - Just can't do it!

I'm having trouble focusing at work today (big fucking surprise, eh?) I know that I have today and tomorrow and then I'm out of here until January 3, 2007. I love working for the Commonwealth of VA. It's like a vacation, but I don't have to use my leave for it AND I get paid for it. Thanks to those who pay their taxes here – I couldn't do it without you. Well, I could, but that's called masturbation and that's not what I get paid to do. Unfortunately.

I have all of these thoughts in my head and I can't make them go away, so I thought I'd try sharing some of them and see if that will make them go away so that I can get back to ruining the social lives of 20 doctors by doing the faculty on-call schedule.
If you had part of your colon removed, do you tell people you have a semi-colon? And should they (or you) laugh about calling it a semi-colon?

If you need to deliver a stool sample to your doctor's office, would they find it funny if you showed up with a piece of a step-stool?

If I became rich and famous, what would my groupies be called?

When gay people see something that they think looks stupid, do they say "That is so straight looking"?

If they are not visible at all, is it ok to where white cotton athletic socks with dress pants & dress shoes? Or is that gay?

Why do I need to be politically correct? I'm not in politics. I'll never run for office. Therefore, does it really apply to me? If we want the public at large to avoid using certain words & phrases, shouldn't we deem them "publicly incorrect"? Even then, isn't that what freedom of speech is supposed to cover? My right to tell someone that their shoes are gay? If you're offended, don't listen. Easy as pie (not MY pie though).

If you're carrying a large bag, shouldn't you have the presence of mind to know where it is at all times and to ensure that it's not going to touch someone's ass or tits repeatedly? And if you're the person who it keeps touching, shouldn't you have the right to slice a hole in it so that the contents of said bag spill out all over the floor?

Let's say you are on an elevator. Your co-riders are a guy with a giant rack of shelves on wheels and a girl wearing a low-cut blouse. And then I get on it and say out loud "nice rack!" Would you laugh? Would you assume I was talking about the woman, even though there is a guy standing there with a giant rack? Does your answer to that question change if I'm a man?

Can someone explain to me what it means to be an Emo kid and if that's considered cool? I'm a very emotional person. Does that make me Emo? Or do I need to do more? Can you be 35 and be Emo? And if my kid is an Emo and he runs away, can I document my struggles to relocate him in a movie called "Finding Emo" or is that some sort of copyright infringement?

I wonder if right this very minute there is another person at work, writing a blog about their random thoughts and all the while wishing they were at home with their favorite vibrator. If so, does this person have small but perky boobs? Small feet? Naturally curly hair? If so, that's my twin. Hug and kiss her if you see her. Not with tongue though. She doesn't like it when strangers do that.