My Blog of Firsts

I got up this morning and just knew it was going to be a spectacular day. For some reason, I woke up with a clear memory in my head of something that happened nearly 10 years ago.

When I was about 16, my friend and I were out at a movie. As girls, we ALWAYS went to the bathroom together. So, we walk in and there is a woman standing in front of the mirror, feeling her hooters. We didn't say anything, but she turned to look at us and said, rather matter-of-factly "I'm checking for cancer." I instinctively reached for my crotch, gave it a rub and said "Yeah, so am I!" My friend and I cracked up laughing and the lady left disgusted. I think that was the first time I ever touched anything considered private in a public place. That's where my public displays of self-affection got their start - at a Marcus Theater.

This all got me thinking of other "firsts" I've had, that I can remember. I don't remember my first actual kiss with tongue with a man. I do, however, remember the first time I kissed another woman. We were at a bar and these guys wouldn't leave us alone. We were pretty drunk and stupid and thought "if they think we're lesbians, they'll leave us alone." So we told them that. And they didn't believe us. So, as natural as anything, we kissed. I remember thinking "huh - she's a good kisser, much better than any guy I've kissed thus far!". That was the night I realized that most men have fantasies about being involved with girl on girl on guy action and this behavior only encouraged them.

I remember the first time I tried a vibrator. Big Daddy bought it for me. It was The Beaver. I was afraid of it at first, but after about a minute, I was convinced it was the greatest thing in the world and every girl should have one. We referred to it as "The Beav" from that point on. I recommended it to everyone I came in contact with - that was the beginning of my toy obsession. The rest, as they say, is history.

I remember the first time I ever gave oral sex. It was hideous and I was mortified. I wasn't even interested in doing that. He just kind of shoved it right in my mouth and I didn't know what to do. I remember gagging, and I may have actually bit down. There was no orgasm, and I left very angry and pissed off because that did NOT occur on my terms. Then, my friend dated him and wanted to know if I thought he was the greatest guy in the world. Ummm...no! That was when I realized that I would never do anything I didn't totally want to do ever again. I also learned that teeth can bring any unwanted blow jobs to a screeching halt and will just about guarantee that the guy will never talk to you again.

Sad, but I don't remember the first time my snatch ever received a tongue lashing. Obviously, it didn't leave a lasting impression. Although I do remember the first time Big Daddy gave it to me. That was when I realized "I have to marry this man!" Incidentally, it was about the same time I decided that he had THE most talented fingers in the entire world.

I remember the dreaded day I lost my virginity. I don't think that the guy even realized he just popped my cherry. Prick. I told my friend about it and she said he didn't know because "he's got such a huge dick - it hurts everyone. It made me bleed and I've been around the block a few times." And I suddenly was no longer ticked that my flower had been picked by a guy who thought he was just pulling weeds. I was pissed that apparently EVERYONE else had him first. Fucker. I thought I was special. That was the day I realized that you really needed to reserve your twat for the special ones and make sure those who get a ride are truly deserving.

And because I know you care, there is one other day that I can recall with great fondness. I was in college and my roommate came running in from the shower with a look of panic on her face. She said "Kim! I need to ask you a favor - it's kind of gross." I, being the good person I was said "sure, what do you need?" She went on telling me this story about being in the shower, shaving the beaver when she cut herself. So, she did what she knows guys do when they cut themselves shaving - she wadded up some toilet paper and stuck it on her crotch. The problem was, when she tried to pull it off, she thinks it ripped her skin. Not only will the paper not come off, but she's bleeding a lot now. So, she laid on the bed and bared it all to me with her only request being "Get the toilet paper off of me." As she's laying there, I just started laughing. I remember saying "get your ass up, there's no toilet paper - your lips are just sagging." It was freaky looking. "Where is all the blood coming from?" she asked. I said, "I don't see any blood, and I'm not feeling around for it." She went back to the bathroom, embarrassed as can be. Later on, she told me how mortifying it was for her to have to show someone her goods like that. As for the blood - she got her period. As for me, that was the day I realized I had stunning labia.

And that completes my trip down memory lane. Now, you should share one of your firsts with me. It's only fair.