Get that prickly thing outta my face.

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming desire to champion a new cause. No, I'm not giving up the masturbation movement, so don't yank the egg out just yet!

What I'm about to tell you may shock you (well, not this group, but it might shock an innocent passer-by).  You may read this and decide that you're never going to read anything I write again.  You may read it and think I'm a total lunatic. But maybe, just maybe, you'll read this and say "Fuckin' A!"  I think you'll be "Fuckin' A-ing".  I really do.  It's a dirty little secret and no one wants to talk about it, but I just have to.  Allow me to set the mood:

Ladies, you're with a man and things are going well.  You move to the bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, whatever and the clothes start dropping.  You feel his muscular chest, he grabs your ass.  You go to return the favor and move your hand over his ass, only to recoil in horror because...

are you ready for it?

...his ass is stubbly and that shit hurts when you rub your hand across it. 

Yes, we're really going to talk about ass hair.  Here's the thing - EVERYONE has ass hair.  Some people leave it, some remove it. No one shapes it. 

If you're going to shave your ass - be sure that it's smooth the next time I touch it or I'm not touching it anymore & I certainly don't want to see that shit naked.  (and NO, this is not a problem with my husband - I'm just saying, that's all). 

I, personally, think that unless you're traipsing around in a thong bathing suit, you should just leave it alone.  I, personally, don't give a shit what you've got on your ass, as long as it's clean & doesn't hurt me.  In the same respect if you're sleeping next to me, and we're both nude, and I roll over and my ass brushes up against yours, I better not get fucking razor burn.

So, guys, not only does it not feel good, it doesn't look good either.  I remember when one of my cousins turned 21, we got a male stripper for her.  He comes in and does his dance and shakes his hot little ass right in my face.  At first I'm thinking *nice!*  But then - oh, what the fuck is that??  WHAT IS ALL OVER HIS ASS??  Upon closer inspection - razor burn.  Yes, he shaved his ass and irritated the skin so badly (girls, like when you shave your snatch without proper pre-treatment of some type) that there were little red bumps all over the place.  I thought maybe he wore diapers.  However, after speaking to my cousin she noticed while he was bumping and grinding his pimply butt up against her that it was "pokey & prickly" as she put it. 

I don't know about you, but if there's any chance that I'm going to be shakin' my money maker all up in someone's face, that bitch is going to be smooth as a baby's ass.  Did he not care?  Was it just an unfortunate accident?  While I understand the need to have a smooth ass when you're stripping, does it make sense to try new products or a new hair removal technique right before you're scheduled to bare it? Do that shit on your week off.  Don't stick your pokey rash-laden ass in my face.  Thanks - I'll pass on the ham.  

Guys, before you get all offended, picture this.  You're really into this chick who happens to have fantastic legs (like me).  You've been eyeing them up all evening, just waiting to run your hands all over them.  So, you're sitting next to her and you reach down and lightly touch her ankle.  You begin running your hand up the outside of her calf - mmmm smooth, soft, gorgeous.  You make it up to her knee.  Will she allow your advance?  God, you hope so!  Amazingly, she parts her legs just a little bit so that if you keep on going, you'll reach her snatch in all it's glory.  As you move up past her knee, you trail your finger tips across her inner thigh.  As you snake your fingers up to get a feel in on the honey pot, OUCH!  Did she just poke your finger?  Try again - SHIT.  That was like being stabbed by a needle.  Damn, she shaved her cooch and she's not been good about upkeep.  It is no longer a shaved beaver, but a porcupine.  Would you rub on or go down on a porcupine?  Of course not.  I don't want to touch one either. 

SO, my question for you today is this: 

Ass hair:  What should men do with it?  What should women do with it?  What do YOU do with it?