Now, you may be asking yourself "what is 'it'?" I'll get to that in a minute.
First, some formalities. Glad to see a good chunk of you made it over here. Please be aware that we are planning "Homecoming" on this profile. Meagan is in charge and you can nominate and vote for court on my blog from yesterday (on this profile.) I'll let you know the date as soon as the committee gets it to me. When that happens, we'll start the day with a parade via pictures of floats on my comments section. High school bands are ok as well. Moving on...
I did a lot of blog reading yesterday - that's what I do when I'm feeling down. And while reading about Meagan's horror date, an unemployed trucker from the back woods of West Virginia reached out and punched me in the face. And with that, I remembered all of the good there was in my life and why its silly to be feeling blue about anything at all these days. So I sit here this morning with my coffee in one hand, restraining order for the trucker in the other, typing with my toes and wishing I had a floor-standing dildo to make the circle complete this morning. No wait, that's a different blog, different day. Anyhow, here is a list of things that I feel good about that are all about me and my life.
1) I'm married to one hell of a guy who encourages me to write naughty blogs. He's been known to proof read them for me on occasion. He also offers me suggestions. There's few things funnier than hearing a man say "This line here would flow better if you said 'Stick it in my twat'." Along with married life comes ..2
2) I don't have to date. I don't have to spend my time trying to find someone worthy of spending the rest of my life with me. In the comedy of trial and errors that is dating, I don't need to worry about it. I'd assume dating is even more difficult when you have a child, because not only do you need to think about if they guy is good for you or not, you have to decide if he's good for your kids. Because people, let me tell you a little something about being a step parent. It's the easiest thing in the world to be good with a kid that doesn't live in your house. Now, put that kid into your life and home in a situation that they live with you and there's going to be some bumps in the road. The wonderful patience you saw that person have with your children is gone, turned to irritation and even anger because - and here's the bottom line - aside from mom, dad and grandparents - NO ONE LIKES YOUR KIDS AS MUCH AS YOU DO. Sure, they may do just fine for a few hours here and there but put 'em all in the same house, you're not getting the Brady Bunch. (Unless of course you're me because I've been around since my stepson was 3 & I think he likes me more than his mom. AND when he's here, he IS my kid and he knows it and it works, but my situation is an exception to the rule because I'm the fucking princess, ok?)
3) I like to go out and have a good time, but I don't drink anymore. I don't dance. I don't do karaoke. I don't do well after 9:00 pm with anything but sitting on my couch. And I save a fortune by doing so. I like putting my son to bed, reading him stories, playing games, doing puzzles, etc. etc etc. (not so much the sleeping on his bedroom floor which I did last night, but that's another story for another time.) So, what does that leave me? It leaves me at home with my family most weekends. And while we all may be doing different things, we're all here in the house together and it makes me smile. Just like the fucking Cleavers - just call me June.
4) I don't feel the need to prove to anyone that I'm a good person or a fun person. Personally, I think I'm a fucking riot. I crack myself up all the time. Big Daddy thinks I'm funny too. The other night, we were in bed and for some reason were whispering to each other. I don't remember what we were talking about but there was a natural pause in the conversation. When it was my turn to speak, I simply whispered (are you ready for this?) "Mary Rielly!" Well we just started laughing and he told me that "once or twice a year you DO say something funny!" I punched him, rolled over and went to sleep. If you don't get why I would whisper "Mary Reilly" and laugh, go on a search for the trailer from that movie. We love obscure references in our house.
5) I am what I am and that's all I can be and if you don't like it, tough shit. Here's a shocker for you: outside of family, I can count on one hand the number of close friendships I have. I don't mean acquaintances, I mean friendships. I like it that way. Because I hate being on the phone and I can't maintain a friendship that way. I don't have a lot of time to give if you're not going to include my family AND a whole host of other reasons that if I start talking about them right now, I'll lose my good mood and we don't want that to happen.
6) I like my vagina. I think it's pretty. And my labia, stunning. But you already know that now, don't you?
7) I'm learning to love my boobs. I try to encourage them daily with affirmations such as "You can be anything you want to be" or "look on the bright side - at least you won't be the cause of back problems when you're old". Now before you say "but Psycho, your boobs are just fine!" please be aware that those portrayed in pictures are not mine. They are the wondrous creation of Fredericks of Hollywood and the gel bra.
Let me tell you though, if you don't have those nice lady lumps to start with, you're not looking ANYTHING like that in this bra. That bitch shouldn't even be wearing that bra. It's for fairly small chested ladies like me, not hoochies that think a D cup is too small.
8) My social life may suck, but my social skills suck worse, so its all good.
9) My husband picks out and purchases sex toys for me. See - Lucky!
10) I have you guys who will fill my comments section with smiles and laughter throughout the day, and if I decide to play some crazy game on here, I have a great group of playmates. I just wish they all lived closer.
Have a great Sunday! I must go plan my float. What do you suppose I could use to make a gigantic papier mache penis & vagina?
1 comment:
You am damned funnee
Post a Comment