Giving Spanks

Well, I'm back from my Mother-In-Law's Thanksgiving Day bonanza. We made it through unscathed. Just a couple of interesting notes to share. Assuming that most people are gone, I'm not writing an overly detailed blog, just to have it lost in cyberspace. SO, here's the highlights:

1) Lemon Meringue pie is like sex. If you've never made it before, and you want it to be good, make sure to do it the first time with someone who knows what the fuck it is they are doing, or it will just make you cry. I could have saved myself a couple of hours and just poured a pitcher of lemonaid into a pie crust, then had Jerry splooge all over the top of it. It may have tasted better. It may have looked better. It may have made a more interesting story.

2) My specialty cheesecake - don't try the whole baking/cooling thing when a toddler is still running amok. He opened the oven while it was cooling and it wound up being flatter than my chest (sans gel bra). It tasted ok, but it was fugly.

3) Can someone please explain to me why you would put chopped up hard boiled eggs in gravy? I didn't realize this was an approved way to put some zing in your gravy. I assumed someone dropped some deviled eggs in it. They were sitting next to each other on the counter. Apparently, the eggs were supposed to be in there. Someone explain that to me. Please.

4) I kissed Trish. On the lips. In front of my Mother-in-Law, who thought it was "gross". When we were leaving, I rubbed my face in between her hooters. I heard that's good luck on Thanksgiving. No, I didn't. I just thought it would be fun, and I was right - it was fun.

5) 2 male foreign exchange students (one from Germany, one from Prague) joined us this year. I've never seen anyone eat so much food. They seemed nice, though I really didn't get to talk to them.

6) SOMEONE spanked me. I was cleaning up some of the food, and someone walked by and smacked my ass. I think it was Trish, but there were several other people within smacking distance. It kind of turned me on.

7) For about 15 seconds, I had my Mother-In-Law believing that her niece used to be involved in making porno movies. She actually believed me.

8) Someone asked the other Kim (who is housing the exchange students) if there's anything they aren't allowed to do while here. Basically, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs. Everything else is OK. I suggested for some real excitement they rent some porn. This was the opening act to ..7 up there.

I think that's it. I'm beat, I'm not at all hungry, and I just want to curl up under a blanket (preferably one not infected with small pox) and do things. I'm not telling you what things. Just things.

Hope you all ate too much and feel like crap. That's what today is all about, after all. That and giving spanks to those you love. I mean giving THANKS FOR those you love.