The Hair Down There

Yesterday was awesome! I spent the day with Kris. We started off at my house with coffee and giggling. Followed by lunch at Five Guys, then off shopping for panties and pants. I didn't get any pants, but found a fantastic bag that I just had to have. It's red. Kris got the same bag in black. We wound up back at my house, ordered Chinese food and her and I sat at the kitchen table on computers giggling, being girls and playing on the internet. Great fun.

But that's not why we're here, and that's certainly not what I'm going to talk about. I want to talk about something more important. Something life-changing. Something sure to make EVERYONE who reads this comment or at least give me kudos. Just to let me know that you're reading (because I know you are!) Now, I know you're asking yourself "what the fuck is she talking about?" I'm talking about pubic grooming. This is not to be confused with public grooming, as the two should not even be muttered in the same sentence. Now, there's different facets to consider, but cleaning is not going to be discussed. We're going to discuss the universal part of pubicness - hair down there.

We all have it (or get rid of it). Much like the hair (or lack thereof) on our heads, it comes in all different styles, colors and lengths. Some have it, some don't. Some loose it as they get older (just ask Meagan). But when you're young, it's up to you to decide just what to do with it. I'm going to only basically touch on what a man can do with his, as I can only think of 3 things: Natural, buzz cut or shaved nekkid. And that's as far as I'm going on the guy side of things. Let's talk about the fairer of the sexes.

First things first, you need to decide on a style that's right for you. Even though (in most cases) not everyone is going to see it, it's still important to find the right length and shape for you.

It's too bad that they don't have books of different snatch hair styles at the salon. Where they show you a wide selection of styles separated by the headings "Short", "Medium", "Long", "Children", and "Men's Styles". You could go in and pick out something you think would look nice, and the stylist would talk to you about it first, run the comb and fingers through your hair and say "Well, if we take 1/2 inch off of the ends and taper it around your labia, I think that'll look adorable on you!" And you could say "I just want to be sure it doesn't make my pubic mound look too fat." We could finally get some outside help from someone who makes their living shaping pubes. Although they ultimately would talk you into either coloring it, highlighting it or using the flat iron on it. Braiding would be a standard $8 fee. And "up-do's" for special occasions. And some bitch would ALWAYS try to give you bangs, even if you say "I'm trying to grow it out".

And then, if you were at a reputable salon, they'd be trying to talk you into products - shampoos, conditioners, gels, shine enhancers, color enhancers, straightening fluids, special combs and picks, scented oils, things made with hemp and the like. The list goes on. And you'd leave the salon feeling ripped off that you just dropped $153 on products and styling when all you wanted was to have the dead ends trimmed off. FUCK. I hate when that happens.

But we don't have those options. We can do a couple of basic things:

1. Leave it be, wild and free.
2. Trim it to any length you'd like
3. Give it the Edward Scissorhands treatment and shape it into a fantastic sculpture
3. Leave a landing strip, guiding the airplane safely home (or a lighthouse, if you will, guiding the ship into the port)
4. Take it all off and give it a smooth shine. You can do it yourself via shaving or home waxing or you can pay some stranger around $60 to slather your snatch with hot wax and rip it off while you're laying spread eagle. And its not like they just do the top part, they're going to dig in your and poke around in there for awhile to make sure they get it all.

Everyone likes something different. While I'm sure that totally hair free is great for oral sex, it has its price. That shit is going to grow back and with that comes the itching and ingrown hairs. And when I say itching, I mean it makes you just want to stop wherever you are and do the two-handed scratch of the pubic mound, right through your pants.

I tell you, I will NEVER go for the brazilian wax. I've had my eyebrows done and am wary about having that done again as well. Apparently, I have very sensitive skin and my eyebrow area was so fucking red and puffy when it was done and the worst of it lasted for 3 days. People thought something bad had happened to me and because I have thick, dark hair, by the time all of the irritation subsided, I could see that it needed to be done again. Fuck that. The last thing I need is to have my twat waxed by someone who is probably not even from Brazil, and have it be super red, puffy and irritated for several days and when it finally calms down, it's time to do it again. I don't think so. I need my cooch to be available every single day and do not have the time nor desire to have it red and puffy from anything but a good screw.

Having said that, I'm going to go cleanse myself by going to church - ha! I mean by getting some more coffee and possibly a piece of toast with jelly. And then, I think I'll trim my hair. I don't want it to be unruly. I'm trying to grow out my bangs you know.