Your Regularly Scheduled Psycho

I'm home sick today, so I am able to play with everyone in between coughing and not breathing well fits. Stick with me though - this cold medicine induced blog might just make it for blog of the year. Or not.

I've decided that it's not enough anymore to just sit back and watch tv, I need interactive tv. Something where what I do on my couch while watching, gets translated back to the screen somehow and I can control the characters and the outcome. Of course, in *my* version of tv, everyone would wind up having sex or masturbating with strange objects. Why strange objects you ask? Because, in my little slice of interactive tv, you couldn't make things appear, so the characters would have to use something that resembled what you were using at home. This could prove for some interesting scenarios. Let's take "Lost" for example. My apologies to anyone reading this who doesn't watch it. Just follow along as best as you can, and then masturbate. Really. It's good for you!

OK, so Kate & Jack would be running through the jungle, being chased by something. At this point, I would whip out my trusty jack rabbit and watch as they just stop in their tracks and begin screwing. No orgasms, because I'm not done yet. However, as I switch to the next setting, we cut to the next scene.

Sun is on the beach, washing clothes in the ocean. She looks across the ocean, thinking she might see a boat and stands up to get a better look. Suddenly, without warning, she's got a piece of driftwood and is pumping it in and out of her like nobody's business. I'll let her orgasm because she deserves it & her husband is kind of creepy.

The point I'm trying to make here is that tv shows lack interaction. That's why places like MySpace are so fun. They truly are interactive. I could probably write a blog with just an opening line and let the rest of you write the story. Because then, the blog would truly be what you want to read about. Instead of my mindless meanderings.

Why do you guys read this crap? I don't get it. Now, if only someone would PAY me per comment, I'd be set. Not really, but I might be able to buy an icecream cone at the end of the week.

And now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to think up a wonderful opening line to a story so that we can try the interactive blogging experience. Why? Because it's my blog, and I can do as I see fit. How do you like them apples?

Speaking of apples, there's a sign on my way home from work. It's in the shape of an apple and it says "FRESH VIRGINIA APPLES". The entire first week it was up, I would giggle at it when I drove past. Why? Because:

1) It's in front of a giant catholic church
2) the first time I saw it, I was CERTAIN it said "FRESH VAGINA APPLES"

Chew on that for a bit, won't you?