The lesbian within

I've mentioned this before, but I think all women, regardless of sexual orientation, have an inner lesbian. Some women would never dare act on the whims of said lesbian. Others do daily. Some women won't even admit that they have one, but they do. They just are in denial or are too young to realize it yet. But, she's there. Trust me. Allow me to introduce you to mine, won't you?

Mine thinks that the most beautiful women in the world have auburn hair. She prefers the look of women with smaller, perky breasts. And they must be real.

She doesn't like women who are rail-thin. They need to be able to eat a full meal without exploding or whining that they are "so full" after having 1⁄2 cup of rice and some broccoli. And NO PURGING!

They must not obsess about their looks and they can't overdo the makeup. She also thinks the majority of women are actually more beautiful without a lot of makeup. Makeup should enhance one's natural beauty, not cover it with layers of plaster.

My inner lesbian is certain she could beat any man in a pussy licking contest, even though she's never tried it. She's naughty, catty, petty and inappropriately emotional at times. When I have an argument with a man, she's in my head telling me "Let it go, he's a man, what do you expect?" When he does everything right, she's surprised because, as a lesbian, she thinks men are generally wrong and icky and gross.

She's tough and strong and independent. She won't allow me to depend fully on any one person to make or break my life. She can fix anything if she puts her mind to it, and she won't be held back from growing and experiencing. But the bitch knows her place is inside of the heterosexual outer me. Because I heart dick – A LOT. And I'm not giving that up. Sorry inner lesbian – this life isn't for you.

She has shown glimpses of herself on several occasions, whether it be through sheer admiration of the female body, kissing another woman, or touching body parts and appreciating them. She makes me excited and horny when I watch porn – not because of the men in it, but the beauty and grace of the women involved. She thinks everyone could learn something about pleasing a woman from watching two of them please each other.

I love my inner lesbian because she's part of me. I'm not shy or embarrassed because of her – there is no reason to be. I'm proud of her, because she allows me to mentally explore avenues that my physical self may not be willing to explore. Hell, my inner lesbian probably likes anal sex and you all should know by now how I feel about that!

And here's a little secret for you: when I use the Venus Butterfly...I like to imagine that it's my inner lesbian's tongue.

I think my inner lesbian is happy not having to be in the limelight. She can just hang out and jump in whenever she feels like it. She enjoys doing things for shock value, even if the consequences of the action haven't been completely considered by hetero-me. And that makes life fun and interesting.

I think I should give her a name. Does anyone have a suggestion? I want to let her know that I appreciate all of the spice and variety she adds to my life. Because without her, things might be trite and boring. And I don't think I could continue to surprise anyone without her. And that, my friends, is unacceptable.

Having said all of that. I DO NOT think all men have an inner gay man. I think with guys you either are or you aren't. Sure, a straight guy can say another man is good looking (usually said with as much bravado as one can muster – and it usually sounds like a question when they say it: "I guess he's a good looking guy?"), but he would never fantasize about what it *might* be like with another man because that thought process alone would mean to him, and most men who knew about it, that he was full out gay.

Women have the luxury of the fantasy, the wonder, the exploration without the immediate "homosexual" label. We're so incredibly lucky for that! Men don't seem to have that luxury. Why do you think that is?