Survey Says! Polls Suck

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to say to my child when the big question finally comes out of his mouth. No, not "Why don't you have pillows like all of the other mommies?" I already have the answer for that one. I'm talking about "Mommy, where do babies come from?" So, I've compiled a short list of answers I might give him. Help me out and vote for your favorite, then read on!

OK, so I had a poll in here and everytime I tried to look at it or something, it screwed it all up. So, I'll just do it the old fashioned way:

WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

A. The stork leaves them on the front porch

B. They are a by-product of screwing without birth control

C. Testtube

D. You buy them at the hospital

E. You buy them off the back of a truck

F. Sperm & Eggs, duh!

G. Yo' Momma!

I read that simple is easiest and not to give too much information, unless he asks more questions. I've consulted some experts on what to say and didn't much care for their answer. What the experts say: Children don't want all the details. "A mother's egg and a father's sperm come together and make a baby that grows in a special place called the womb or uterus" is a simple answer to "How are babies made?"

Is it just me, or does that seem like it's setting yourself up for much more difficult questions like:

"How does the sperm get in there?"

"How does the baby get out?"

"What kind of tools do the sperm and egg use when making a baby?"

"Does someone have to stir the batter?"

"Can I see the womb?"

"Can you buy sperm at the grocery store? Is it next to the eggs?"

"There are eggs in the fridge. Are you making another baby?"

Of course, this would also be very confusing when trying to get your child to actually eat eggs: "I don't want to eat my brother!"


I've told my son he used to live in my tummy. That blows his mind. He has questions about that. Things like:

"Did I climb out?"

"Did someone pull me out?"

"Was I stuck?"

"Why did you put me in there?"

"Can I get back inside your tummy?"

"Were there animals in there?"

"Did I have a flashlight?"

So you see now why it's important to me that I get this answer right the first time. He's got quite the imagination. I don't want to screw this up.

Tomorrow's blog: Why you shouldn't have sex with horses, at least not in Virginia. Tune in then. It'll be a thought-inspiring work of art.