For centuries, people have been having sex with animals. The term "zoophilia" (from the Greek for "animal lover") simply means a love of animals. Not all zoophiliacs have sex with animals. That's left to the zoosexuals, who participate in bestiality. Incidentally, if a zoosexual has sex with animals and a homosexual has sex with homos, does that mean that a metrosexual has sex with the metro? Just curious.
This is not a relatively new concept, prehistoric man probably did it and it was a widespread practice almost everywhere, sometimes as part of a religious ritual. Being sentenced to forcible sex by dogs and horses as a method of torturous punishment or execution also occurred in the Far East. Imagine that – just for a minute. Go ahead and picture yourself being violated by a Clydesdale. Got it? Are you turned on or is that a great deterrent to crime? Let's bring that practice back and reserve it for rapists and pedophiles. I'm all for it!
Having said that, I'm here to deliver a stern warning to all of you animal "lovers" out there. There is an outbreak of equine herpes running rampant through the state of Virginia. I would encourage everyone to take the proper precautions, as I'm CERTAIN this is not just a local Virginia thing. There have also been recent reported epidemics of the equine herpes virus in Ohio, Florida and who knows where else. Horses are NOT big on safe sex and with this outbreak, it's obvious that they're not big on monogamy either.
Part of the problem is that condom makers are not making condoms large enough to fit on a horse. Might I suggest the use of a Hefty garbage bag. If you buy generic, double bag it – you know how those damn thing bags always tend to break when you put a lot of junk in them.
The other side of that equation, human men tend to think of condoms solely as a way to prevent unwanted pregnancy. So guys, if you're going to ride the pony, wrap it up! You don't want to have to explain open sores on your pecker to the next woman you're trying to cozy up to.
And if you're thinking of fellating a horse, I have four things to say to you:
1. GROSS!
2.You must have a very large mouth
3.Cold sores are a form of herpes, so be prepared to come up with a cover story if you contract the virus
4.Carmex is a medical marvel in battling cold sores, but it is high addictive.
And now that you're all completely disgusted with me, allow me to offer you something to take your mind off of this terrible news. http://www.beseechfanclub.com/bored/
Just go see it. It's for all of you zoophiles (not zoosexuals) out there. Sort of.
Everyone have a safe weekend.
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