I am NOT having a good morning. Wanna hear about it? You don't? Oh well, sucks to be you sometimes, doesn't it?
OK, so let's back up to last night. My son (whose name is Ord this week) wants to be a dragon for Halloween. Not just ANY dragon though - he's picky like his Mama. So, I'm on the hunt last night for a dragon costume for him. There were lots of cutsie ones, but none were what he wanted. I ran across this hot dragon outfit and show it to him. "Do you like this one?" "NO!" This goes on and on through every stinkin' dragon costume I find. I liked this one, he didn't. Finally, there's one I haven't shown him. So, I show it to him. "Do you like this one?" "NO MOMMY!" I turned my head and said under my breath "of course you don't because it's gay looking." Daddy says "Do you like this one?" And Ord says "No, it's gay looking." GREAT. I'm teaching my child all the bad things in life – but hey, at least he doesn't walk around cussing! We finally found an actual Ord from Dragon Tales costume. Not as cute as the others, but he LOVES IT. It's been ordered already – whew! Now, I just have to work on my costume for the big Halloween party. I don't know what I want to be yet, but whatever it is, I don't want it to come from a box, or be something that EVERYONE has been at one point in their life. Any great ideas you want to share?
Not long after that, I was reading Ord a goodnight story and we were talking about the day he was born. I made the mistake of telling him that he used to live in my tummy and the picture on the dresser was taken the day he decided he wanted to come out of my tummy. He thought for a minute, then crawled on top of me and with one knee planted firmly in my gut and the other up toward my chest he says "I want to go back in your tummy!" At least he wasn't trying to crawl back in the way he came out!
THEN, I had to give myself my shot (cuz it was shot night. Monday-Wednesday-Friday for future reference.) Now, I have to tell you I'm a shot-giving retard. I've given myself shots in my life many, many, many times. Most of them in my stomach. I've tried the autoinjectors, but they hurt and bruise more than doing it yourself. But, I can't just poke it in real quick and be done with it. I have to line it up, take a deep breath, push the needle in very, very slowly, and if it starts to hurt, instead of just pushing it in, I actually take the damn thing out and start over somewhere else. WTF is wrong with me? THEN, instead of just pushing the plunger down in one smooth motion, I inject it a tiny bit at a time. You see this way, when the medicine burns really bad, I can stop for a moment, cuss a bit about how much it hurts, and then continue on. I've even injected half, thought it burned so bad when it was going in that I stopped and took it out and picked a new place. I guess I approach my shots like sex. It's not OK to just ram it in there, shoot the stuff inside and yank it out. Gotta take my own sweet time. What would take a normal person probably all of 3-5 seconds to complete, I'm doing for 3-5 minutes. It's crazy I tell ya!
And that's just when I'm injecting into my stomach. Ask me sometime about injecting into my thigh or the back of my arm, or into my hip – THAT is quite the adventure. Perhaps I'll have Jerry take photos next time so you can see how "gay looking" I am when I do it.
Sometimes, Jerry does them in my arse, which is ok, but he uses the autoinjector, so there's no romance there! Sure, once a month, I let him poke me in the pooper and it's over and done with in about 3 seconds. I should mention for your visual pleasure, this is the point where you should close your eyes and imagine me laying on my stomach, ass up in the air, BITING A PILLOW so that if it hurts I don't yell….Got it? Then, he rubs the cold alcohol swab on there, (in his defense, he does blow on the alcohol to help it dry quicker, and that tickles by toushie!) OK, do you have that visual? Got it? Got it? Now hold it.....still got it? Good, cuz he just rammed the damn thing in there, and it's over now. The good part is, he has to rub my butt when it's over. YAY!
Getting back to the point of my writing today. I'm NOT having a good morning. (Did I already say that?) It's not that anything particularly 'bad' has happened. It's just that everything that happens is not as I planned it. Great example: I go down the hall to make me some fresh coffee. I get down there, put the filter in the basket, rinse out my coffee cup, set the coffee to go, fill my cup with the required amounts of Mini-Moos and Splenda. And then I wait. I am so craving some great coffee to warm me up since it's a bit chilly outside. And I hear the slurping gurgle of the coffee pot and out comes the beginning of a delicious pot of hot, steaming, SPLENDA WATER. WTF??? Ah yes, while chit chatting in the hallway, and making the coffee, I apparently poured the Splenda packets into the coffee filter and the coffee packet into my cup, all the while having a conversation with a woman who, you think would at least point out that I was making a major mistake, but nope, she just kept on chatting, watching me make an ass out of myself. Not wanting to look like a total choad, I actually pour the Splenda water into my ground-filled cup and stir it around, proclaim out loud to no one in particular (since I'm in the hall alone now) that "Heh, I really should clean my cup more often!" That way, you see, maybe people will think that I'm just a slob instead of a dumb ass. Because THAT is the image I want to portray – giant slob. Because in the realm of things, I'd rather be messy than empty headed.
And with that, I think I shall attempt to work again. I think my depressive state is lifting. I'm moving into the manic state. I LOVE YOU ALL! *MWAH!* *SMOOCHIES* OH HAPPY DAY!!!!
All My Love,
Bipolar Princess
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