Blame everyone else - you're innocent!

Public service announcement: There is still time to get your ass pictures in. I'm looking at doing the ass blog early next week! I will take ANY picture of your ass - clothed, naked, whatever. I'm thinking of doing a little "matching" quiz - you know, match the ass to the face? And no, no one will be criticizing any of the asses, so don't be shy! Even yours truly is going to post a picture of her ass. In all it's glory. But that's another story.

I was thinking about when I was a kid in school and didn't do my homework. I was trying to figure out what kind of excuses I used when I was explaining why it wasn't done. I couldn't come up with anything, so I called my mom. She confirmed my deepest darkest thoughts - I ALWAYS DID MY HOMEWORK. Crap. I was a goody-two-shoes. Guilty as charged. I still pretty much am.

But that line of thought got me thinking about how the old "the dog ate my homework" line really gave dogs a bad reputation. True, there are some dogs who WOULD eat your homework, but how many really did?

We further subject dogs to a whole host of finger pointing that they don't always deserve. Who among us hasn't blamed a particular noisy (or smelly) fart on a nearby dog? Man pees on the toilet seat? Dog must have been drinking out of it. Drunk person pukes on the floor? The dog did it.

Instead of blaming everything on our four legged friends who cannot defend themselves, why don't we find more creative excuses? Instead of innocent dogs, let's use something or someone who can defend themselves, which will also require that we all work on our debating skills, because you KNOW how hard it's going to be to convince everyone it really wasn't you! And maybe if you fear confrontation, it will just encourage you to take the blame yourself. Here, some examples of excuses one might use when passing the buck:

The lesbian ate my homework
The Jewish guy farted
The Mexican girl peed on the toilet seat
The black guy spewed all over the carpet

Please note that as a white, heterosexual woman I do not use white, heterosexual women as the scapegoat. That would just be wrong. You should NEVER blame those who fit the same profile as yourself (unless they are complete trailer-trash, redneck women). Perhaps they do that in Germany or England, but that's not the American way!

You should also take care to not blame someone who was never even present when the event occured.

Now, it's true that some people might get offended by these things, but you cannot worry about that. If you spread the blame around to include all races, creeds, and sexual orientations, it's not prejudice. It's just making yourself look better by blaming others.

And if you don't like this blog, then you should know it was written by some crazy Latino who sold it to me for $50.