Naughty Vs. Nasty, 101

I've talked about it before, but I need to clarify a little more because apparently, some of you need clarifying, and I'm not talking about shampoo. Many women like it when you talk a little dirty to them. But, you need to learn the difference between fun dirty talk and just being nasty. Know what she likes before you try any of these. She may truly be a freak and enjoy the nastiest stuff you can dish out, but then again, she may just think you're a sick puppy and show you the door as she's filing a restraining order against you.

What would YOU say?

Scenario 1

You and your bitch, I mean woman, are out for a romantic dinner. You want to say something to her to let her know what's for dessert. As you take her hands in yours, lean over and look deeply into her eyes you say:

NASTY: "Your eyes are so beautiful. When I look into them, it makes me want to rip them out and skull fuck you."

NAUGHTY: "Your eyes are so beautiful. When I look into them, I can see our future. And the future involves me fucking your brains out."


Scenario 2

You really would like to engage in oral sex with your lady. She's not so sure about it. Skip this one. Leave immediately. Any bitch who won't suck your dick in exchange for you eating her out isn't worth your time or energy. Find one who will.


Scenario 3

You would really like to try something different, a little on the naughty side. You're not sure if she's into it, but you'd like to find out. You don't want her to think you're a total freak, so you need to ease her into the situation and bring up the idea of what you'd like to do.


NASTY: "Hey baby, let me shit on your tits!"

NAUGHTY: "How about I give you that pearl necklace you've always wanted?"


Scenario 4

You are so horny. She is not. You need to entice her into having great sex with you. You come up behind her and wrap your arms around her. Do you say:

NASTY: Get your ass in that room and strip bitch. I'm fucking you whether you like it or not.

Oh wait, that's not a good example. That one might work. Move that to the NAUGHTY column. Try this one:

NASTY: You're my woman and we're fucking because that's your job.

No, no, that might work too! How about this one:

NASTY: I'm going to fuck you and you're not allowed to cum!

No, wait! That's a fun challenge. Ok, Ok, I have it now -

NASTY: Your pussy smells like fish and I'm in the mood for some tuna salad.


Hopefully, you can see the difference between nasty and naughty. Oh wait, one more.

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. Which of these two is more likely to get you laid:

A. GO BEARS
B. GO COLTS

Answer: GO BEARS is as nasty as they come. Don't say that. EVER.

GO COLTS!