It's not easy being me

Some mornings, I wake up and as I'm looking in the mirror I think to myself "It's a shame not everyone can be as adorable as me. Life is so unfair." This morning was one of those mornings.

As I was drinking my coffee it dawned on me that in this world, there are two types of people - sheep and shepherds. I think I am a shepherd. And I don't always realize it.

I thought about my past experiences and how many times I've done something, only to have others do it after seeing my example. The worst case was my high school friend and later psycho roommate. Near the end of high school, several people had taken to calling me "Red" on account of the fact that I had red hair. When I went to college, no one called me that, which was fine. After 2 years of living in the dorms, I got an apartment. She'd come up to visit me all of the time. One time, she came up and her blonde hair was – RED. I thought nothing of it, until she started telling people that in high school, her nickname was "Red." Ummm…huh? It creeped me out a little, but I didn't let it get to me. She did a lot of the things I did, made friends with the people I was friends with. She even transferred to where I was going to school and we got an apartment together. And then, it got fucking bizarre.

One day, her younger sister called. When I told her "Red" wasn't home, she asked if she was out with Shawn. "Shawn who?" I asked. "Her boyfriend" she said. "She doesn't have a boyfriend and the only Shawn I know is my friend who has never even met her." And she goes on to tell me a story of how Red says she knows Shawn, and Darren, and the rest of the guys. Funny thing about this story is – apparently, she met these guys in the same, exact way I had met them, right down to the location and time frame. Yes, she told her sister MY story. So, the sister and I talked for awhile and the sister relayed to me all of the things that Red had done with these people. They were all my stories, my experiences. Just for spite, I started making up wild stories and telling them to her, just to see if she'd relay those to her family as her own. She did. It was a HOOT!

One day, I came home from class early. There was a silence in the apartment . And then, a man's voice. "Do you want something to drink? I brought beer." I knew that voice – my then boy-toy & drinking buddy. I was excited because he was surprising me by showing up early. "I'll get the beer" I shouted. "Where are you?" SILENCE "HELLO???" SILENCE. I turned the corner and there in my room, in my bed, was my Boy Toy. And Red. Who started crying instantly. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" I laughed. I told Boy Toy to get out of my bed. I told Red to clean up, we were going out drinking.

That night, I told her she was not me, she would never be me and she needed to get her shit straight. Then, just for shits and giggles, told her I wasn't mad about BoyToy because for the last few months, I'd actually been fucking the boy she was interested in. Which, by the way, wasn't true. I was just pissed and quite hurt about BoyToy, but wasn't about to let either of them know.

Anyhow, a year passed, I had a new boyfriend, we had an partment, she needed a place to stay, so we let her stay with us. It was a very strained environment because I never trusted her after the BoyToy incident and my boyfriend didn't much care for her.

One day, we had some stupid argument because of something totally retarded. I went to work and then met my boyfriend out for drinks afterwards. We decided we were going to tell her she had to leave – she was too freaky. We got home, and she wasn't there, but there were 25 messages on the answering machine. It was her sister. She was frantic.

Apparently, Red had called and said that *I* was sleeping with her boyfriend – she named BoyToy from a year ago as the one I stole from her. Anyhow, Red apparently didn't want to be alive anymore because – get this – I was trying to steal her life. HA! So, the hunt begins for Red. I found her. In the walk in closet. She took a whole bunch of Tylenol 3's, to end it all. I couldn't wake her up. So, I called 911. They came to get her and I must have looked like the biggest bitch as I was yawning as I answered their questions. I asked the guy if I needed to do anything else or could I just go to bed. He just stared at me. I explained I had to work in the morning. Apparently, he thought I should be more distraught that my roommate went off the deep end. I wasn't worried about it. I slept that night. It was, quite possibly, the best sleep I ever had.

After that incident, Red moved to Vegas with her family. A couple of years later, I heard from her. She heard that I was engaged to my soon-to-be ex and wanted to know who was in the wedding. I told her who I thought of asking. She cried. A LONG, LONG time she cried because I hadn't mentioned her. I changed the subject. She started talking again and then told me she had an abortion. Just like that. No emotion, no nothing. It was like "today I went to the dentist, got my teeth clean, paid a parking ticket, applied for a job, got an abortion, and headed home to get ready to go out for a salad bar." I got off the phone really, really fast.

Last year, I got an email from her on Classmates.com. We exchanged an email or two. She mentioned she wanted to see what I looked like now. I figured she lived in Vegas, I live in Virginia, why not? So, I emailed her a picture. Do you know that I've never heard from her since? Must have scared her away with all of my raging beauty. I sure hope she's not MyStalking me. Are one of you secretly her? If you are, don't try to be me – it's too much for any one person to handle.