Bathing in a River of Chocolate - Sort Of

Sometimes, you're rolling along in life and something happens to give you pause. In that instant you see everything clearly, all of the jumble that is your life makes sense and you can see the forest for the trees. It's times like these that make me take a step back from my daily life and say...

What the fuck?!?!

For example, I once thought that it would be a great idea to take a bath in chocolate. I found this great website that sold all sorts of strange things. One of them happened to be bath chocolate. I ordered a bag. The day it came, I was so excited! I couldn't wait to get in the tub and soak in the chocolaty goodness. Imagine how good one would smell afterwards! So, I ran the water, measured the chocolate and dumped it in. Instantly, the water turned brown. Not a deep, rich brown like melted chocolate (which is what I envisioned) but sort of a muddy brown. Like I had rolled in mud, hopped in the tub and the water was stained with my filth. I thought to myself "well, it's mostly water, so what did you expect?" I got in. I sat there for a minute, wondering if I had put enough of the chocolate powder in, so I reached for the bag and read the directions. I was shocked to discover that not only could I bathe in this, I could put it in a coffee cup with some hot water and have hot chocolate! I was PISSED. I was ripped off. I could have just bought a box of Swiss Miss (WITH the tiny marshmellows).

Now, much like powdered hot chocolate mix, if the water isn't hot enough, all of the powder doesn't dissolve. And you're left with not only muddy looking bathwater, but also brown chunks of powder floating in the tub. From a distance, it probably looked like someone shat in the tub, ewwwww. Incidentally, little chunks of anything in a tub tend to find their way into nooks and crannies. Nothing like having powdery chocolate snatch for a day. Although it could make for some wildly tasty oral sex - whipped cream anyone?

Anyhow, I finished the bath and decided it would be best if I followed up with a shower. So, I let the water out of the tub. Now, if you've ever made powdered hot chocolate in coffee cup, you know the ring of chocolate crust that forms around the top of the cup? Picture it...got it? OK, now imagine that all over the fucking tub. It was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I had seen in a bathtub since the first time I stayed at Jerry's house when he was still a bachelor. Damn bathtubs in rented houses - not only do you get your scunge in there, you have a little piece of everyone who was there before you.

It took me about 35 minutes just to shower enough to feel like I had all of the chocolaty powder off of my body and about 2 hours of scrubbing to get the bathtub clean again. It was far too much work for something that was supposed to be luxurious!

Next time, I'm just buying a giant can of chocolate syrup, laying down on a slip N slide and have Jerry pour it all over me, then roll around. Maybe we could just cover the Slip N Slide with chocolate, I can take a running start and dive onto the syrupy goodness. I'm sure the neighbors would like that.

I leave you to ponder this scenario and examine your own life. What have you done that at the time seemed like a great idea and in retrospect made you say "What the fuck?"

And Meagan, if you're reading this - where did you find footie pajamas in an adult size? I must have some!