Make a Difference - Sat, Oct. 28, 2006

I thought long and hard about how I was going to make a difference on "Make a Difference Day" (today, Saturday...hope you made a difference to at least one person!) With all that life has thrown me in the last couple of weeks, I'm pretty much home-bound, other than the couple days I've gone to work and the trips to the grocery store and pharmacy.

At first, I began to feel really terrible about not being able to go out and do something to make a difference in someone's life. And I wrote to Carol and expressed my regrets. And she sent me back one of the most beautiful responses I have ever read. If you're not familiar with Carol, you really should be. There's a lady who, I believe, emits so much happiness and joy that when you read something she's written, you can't help but smile. And she makes it possible to see the happiness and sunshine in your surroundings, even when a giant rain cloud is hanging over you. Here's what she said to me..

"Don't sell yourself short, Kim. What you are doing, consciously, for Make a Difference day is committing to your family above and beyond what most can find a way to do. Love is a gift...always. Even amongst our families. My bet is that you have a little extra love to give and you will feel something next Saturday that causes you to pause.

When you do have that pause, I offer you two words.

Have faith".

And in those words, she spoke more to me than anyone has in recent months. And it was then that I knew what I'd be doing on Make a Difference Day. First, a little background on me:

In 35 years of life, I've been put through the wringer. When I was 19, I had chest pains for about a week. Eventually, when I started having shortness of breath, I went to the doctor. They took a chest X-Ray. They said it was pneumonia. I went home and went to bed. I woke up the next day in horrendous pain. My left leg was black and about 3 times its normal size. I went off to the emergency room, and through a series of tests found out I had 24 blood clots in my left leg & 4 of them in my lung. I was convinced I was never going home. And I was scared. Nothing could comfort me and at night after visiting hours, I felt so very alone. I recovered. Between then and the time I turned 26, I'd been hospitalized 3 times with blood clots in my leg again.

On through life I went, with an abusive relationship and finally finding Mr. Right but needed to move 1,000 miles away from my family to be with him. I suffered through 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy before I got my angel. It was through the ectopic pregnancy that I wound up with my first diagnosis of chronic illness ... FactorV Leiden. Basically, my blood clots. All the time. I will be on blood thinners for life. I have PCOS, needed fertility medicine to have a baby, and I had my miracle baby December of '03. In July of '04, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I didn't cry, I wasn't worried. I thought for sure they were going to tell me I had a brain tumor so the diagnosis was a welcome one.

So, here I am with FVL, PCOS and MS (lots of initials), living 1,000 miles away from my family. Just having a 3 year old child will tire anyone out. Add on to that the MS and your husband having back surgery and suddenly you have no help in caring for your family, and you've got a recipe for hopeless feelings, stress and exhaustion. And this is why I was upset that Make a Difference was happening now. Because there is no way I can do anything for someone else. I have to give all I have to my family. But Carol's words struck a chord in me. And I had a wonderful idea. THIS BLOG will be my way to make a difference. Here's how:

It is for everyone who, due to circumstances beyond their control, cannot fully participate by going to hand out blankets and food to the homeless, to spend the day with seniors or children, or one of the many other projects that people are doing today. The difference I will make will be for these people ... people just like me. Because if just one person who reads this finds a sense of peace, self-worth and acceptance of their situation, then I've done my part. Because you can be handed a platter of bad and still find a way to lead a semi-normal, happy life.

So, for those of you who wanted to participate but couldn't, those who feel they don't matter or feel like they don't have anything to give anyone, THIS is for you.

Somewhere, someone loves you.
You are the reason they rise in the morning.
Your smile lights up their world.
Without you, they would be lonely.
YOU make a difference in their lives.

Somewhere, someone is grateful for you.
They may not be able to tell you.
They may not know where you are.
Without you, they would be lost.
YOU make a difference in their lives.

Somewhere, someone adores you.
For your kind and gentle heart
For the way you look at them
Without you, they would be cold.
YOU make a difference in their lives.

Somewhere, someone needs you
For all you do for them, for all you have given
For all you will do in the future
Without you, they would not be whole.
YOU make a difference in their lives.

And if, by chance, you can think of no one who loves you, is grateful for you, adores you or needs you, know that you may just be over looking those closest to you. Sometimes, simply being in this world is all that is required of you to make a difference in someone's life. A smile on a street to a stranger, letting the single mom with 3 kids cut in line in front of you at the store, stopping in traffic to let another car into your lane, those things all make a difference to someone.

When it seems there is no happiness in your life, when your days are full of dark clouds with no sunshine in sight, when things can't possibly get any worse, know that this too shall pass. And you'll find that inner strength to keep going, keep moving, keep fighting. Because chances are, there is someone you love, someone you're grateful for, someone you adore or someone you need. Today and every day, you should let them know. That's making a difference.

My message to those who were not able to participate in the more conventional way ... if you gave all you had to just get up and get through the day, that has made a difference to someone.

Incidentally, Carol was right ... I did find a little extra love today, and it made me pause. My beautiful angel threw his sippy cup at the big screen TV, and broke it. And while I was angry and disappointed in the behavior, something somewhere told my already frazzled self to take a deep breath, step back and look at it as "just one of those things." And while it sucks, it's not the end of the world. And after talking to my son about how serious of a situation this is (as best you can to an almost 3-year old boy), I hugged him. And it's been repaid to me today in more ways than I can count with his little voice calling from another room, "Mommy! I NEED you!" And wouldn't you know, what started out as a dreary, rainy day has changed right before my eyes. Because there in that exclamation of "I NEED you" from a little boy, MY little boy, is my sunshine.