Job Doodies

I had my yearly performance evaluation this morning. I think it went well. I was given a final ranking of "High Achiever". During my review, my boss openly admitted to having little clue of what it is I actually do here.

He said that he just assumes if I didn't have enough to do, I would inform him. He also said that he knows that I do a lot of things that aren't in my job description and that we should work on updating it. I said "Well, OK" and agreed to make a list of all I do.

I thought I would share that list with everyone and see if anyone can help me come up with a creative way to state some of the things I do so that they don't have a problem paying me for doing them.

Here's my official list:

1) IT Services:

a. While we pay a department to do our tech support, most of the yahoos around here call me first. So, what I do is listen to their problem, act like I care, browse Amazon for anything cool I might like to buy, then I call the Tech Support people.

b. I meet with the web designer that we've recently hired and tell him that he's doing a great job. I also spend an inordinate amount of time insuring our Chairman that progress is being made on the new site.

c. I do all of the purchasing for IT related things for our department: PC's, laptops, hardware & software I want to learn because it looks fun.

d. I field questions like "how do you spell "thesaurus"? and "This doctor wrote something on here and I can't read it. What do you think it says?" Because they're generally typing something into a Word document (which is done on a computer) I consider these questions to be IT related.

2) M-III Education Program:

a. I tell 3^rd year medical students what to do.

b. I control their lives for 6 weeks before getting a new group to harass.

3) Other educational Programs:

a. I am the Program coordinator for the Geriatric Psychiatry Fellowship.

b. I am also the Program coordinator for the Forensic Psychiatry Fellowship. Apparently, I have been for 3 years. I wasn't aware that I did this. However, I was rated a "High Achiever" on it. Yay for me!

c. I do the annual Graduation Banquet Program.

4) Miscellaneous

a. Faculty on-call schedule

b. Whatever no one else wants to do

Now, this is all that is on my job description. I am supposed to make a list of the other things I do to ensure that it gets incorporated into the job description. If it's good enough, they'll upgrade my job, so I've been told. SO, here is what else I do at work. Obviously, I can't put these things on my official performance plan summary, so help me out, would you?

1) I blog. This takes up the majority of my time. I generally have several going at once. They are paying me for it already. I just need them to keep paying me for it!

2) I search the internet for funny pictures to send to people, like this one:

3) I spend a lot of time checking MySpace because I am an addict

4) I drink a LOT of coffee and hot chocolate & listen to my XM Radio. Sometimes, I nap.

5) I would like to incorporate taking a crap on company time into my busy schedule. I think I should definitely get paid for that! It's something I have to do any way. It may be more enjoyable for me if I can get paid to do it.

6) I spend a great deal of time on the phone with friends and emailing people I don't work with or get to see all of the time

7) I insult the doctors who have offices around me, mostly because I don't think that their degree makes them any better than me & they're very narcissistic. I believe that when it comes to the important things in life (common sense, how to cross a street without being hit by a car) I am MUCH smarter than they are. And they wear bad clothes.

This conversation really happened with a Republican I work with:

Me: "Hey, Bob Newhart called, he wants his suit coat back." Him: "I paid all kinds of money to have this tailored, blah blah…it's a nice coat. It's an expensive coat." (5 more minutes of how much he paid for it and how it's perfectly tailored)

Me: "Hey does that have shoulder pads in it? Because those are out of style."

And then I left the room.

I really do have PLENTY to do to fill my time. I just need to find the words to make these 7 things acceptable as part of my job description. If I can find a way to do it, how awesome would that be?

Picture this: I'm at a cocktail party and someone says to me, "What do you do for a living?" and then, I say "I screw around on the internet, drink coffee and take cheap shots at stupid people." Them: "Oh, are you a comedian?" Me: "No, I work for the state."