James & Sexual Ed

A joke to start your Monday off right:

A Caucasian woman, an African American man and a Hispanic man walk into a bar.

WAIT! That's not a joke! That's the Democratic hopefuls. My bad!

THIS, is not a joke either. Just a guy who obviously is going to wind up with his passport & money stolen from his hotel room and need me to wire him some cash to get out of the mess he's in:

From: james
Subject: hi pretty
Body:
very hardly to find your profile,i really look around only your beauty and Only God's creations can compare to the beauty that I see in you! My cute for you is infinite, without limits.To chat with me lovely connecting to me james_4realy@yahoo.com may send your email.CUTE PLEASE NEVER MIND THE DISTANT BETWEEN ME AND YOU.WHAT I REALLY DO FOR A LIVING I AM A JEWELERY DESIGNER AND I JUST TRAVELING TO MANY COUNTRIES SO I HOPE I CAN CONTACT U AT ANY TIME CUTE....PLEASE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED REPLY TO ME...SEND ME YOUR YAHOO EMAIL ID.HAVE A NICE DAY...

His cute for me is infinite. I'm so fucking ecstatic! I think I'll print this out and tape it to my pillow so that when I'm ramming Jack home I can pretend that only my beauty and God's creations can compare to my beauty. Ummm...WHAT??? Can someone tell me what the fuck that whole email means? I'll worship whoever can translate that email for me. Moving on...

Boo Bears. Yay Colts. That's all.

I have a partial solution to solving the whole issue of kids having sex at such young ages. I say in those sex ed or health classes where they're talking about STD's and such, all girls should be given a vibrator and all boys a pussy in a can. And then, all the boys should have to watch episodes of I Love Lucy while the girls watch The Honeymooners. They should be informed that if they have sex with humans, they'll be destined to have to listen to something similar to Lucy or Ralph afterwards. If they use the toys, not only will they have orgasms, but if it's not pleasurable, they can hold the toy under hot running water and belittle it without fear of retribution or criminal charges.

Of course, if you're going that far, then Prom shouldn't occur either, because everyone knows that people go to prom just to get laid. No one really goes to dance. Except maybe the cheerleaders. They go to dance first and THEN get laid.

I also happen to think that you should be able to be reimbursed for sex toys on your flexible health reimbursement account or through insurance. After all, it's promoting good sexual health. Just think - it might reduce the number of Rx's being covered to treat an STD. Can we get a Democrat to get behind this?

I'm a fucking genius. And while I'm on the subject of realistic sex education, maybe there should be college courses on how to please a woman. It could be a whole slew of courses:

Kissing
Fingering Skills
Eating Pussy
Sex Toys
Talking Dirty
Foreplay
Advanced Foreplay
Sexual Positions 101
Sexual Positions 102
Making Love Vs. Fucking (and why all woman need both)

The list goes on. I'm sure that eventually, there could be courses on how to please a man such as:

Burgers, Fries and All That
How to Talk about Sports
How to Ignore his Obsession with RPG
Blow Jobs
You, Him and Another Woman
Anal Sex
How to Speak only When Spoken To

I KID!

What kinds of things do you wish your sex partners (past, present or future) should have received better education on before attempting to rock your world? Yes, I'm truly looking for your worst sex stories here.