Some things never change - ever (from 1/2/07)

I told you I wouldn't be gone for long. I just needed some me time & I got it and now I think I'm ready to face the world – stunning labia and all.

It's a whole new year, there are some new faces to get to know, some more people to piss off and a whole lot of orgasms to have.

I sent out 2006 with an orgasm of my own – a la Jack. I turned in early, gave myself the old "how she doing?" and fell asleep. Only to be awakened a little after midnight by the cold, haunting stare of my husband with his tongue hanging out, taunting me.

I said something kooky already this year. In a light discussion with the hubby about the length of relationships, I noted that before him 4 years was my record. Twice in a row. In both cases, I got bored 3 ½ years in and started poking around, seeing what was out there to try for should I leave. I told Jerry tonight that I was impressed that I hadn't gotten antsy or thought about leaving. He says "Good thing, since we have a kid and all." My response was "I meant I hadn't thought about that when it hit 4 years." This, of course, insinuated that I've thought about those things since then. All I could say is "well, that's not what I meant. It came out wrong." Some things never change.

What else? What else?!?! I've decided that I need to invent some kind of vaginal suppository that soaks up semen in your snatch after sex. Something smaller than a tampon and maybe capsule size. Like one of those sponge-like toys that come in a capsule and when you set them in water, the outer layer melts away and out come a dinosaur. However, in this case, it will just absorb the semen and disintegrate. Just think – no more standing up and having any of it running down your leg. No wiping for what seems like hours just to try and keep it from getting on your panties. We so need this! Ladies – who's with me?

I survived the holidays and can now start work on getting the world's greatest ass. Thanks to all those who offered up photos and suggestions on how to get there. I'm going to get to work right away – on Thursday or Friday anyhow. OK, that's all. It's only been a couple of days, but I missed this interaction. I really, truly did. Is that sad?