Did you ever notice that when you have a best friend, you cannot have a normal conversation? Everything becomes funny and distorted, even just the simple statements take on a whole new meaning. I like those kind of friendships.
Back in the day (ok, it wasn't even a year ago, so shoot me!) Kristin (or whatever the hell YOU call her) and I worked in the same building, on the same floor. Opposite wings of the building, but we met together several times a day just to be idiots. When we both had to be in our offices, we spent time IM'ing each other. I have the entire history saved .
Here, I present to you some of our finest moments from the beginning of 2006. I call this piece "Scenes from a friendship."
We use the term "gay" to describe EVERYTHING:
Kim: I'm done with my gayness
Kim: for now....
Kris: well good.
My awesome wit:
Kris: my computer is acting funny
Kim: That's because it lost its acting coach....
Kim: I'm assuming it's supposed to be playing a dramatic role?
On the Bird Flu:
Kris: The children had reportedly tossed the chicken heads like balls inside their house in Dogubayazit, near the Iranian border. "They played with the heads for days," Sahin said.
Kris: up for a game of chickenheadball later?
Kim: ew ew ew!
Kris: so gross...
Kim: let that be a lesson to everyone
Kim: Bowling with chicken heads is NOT a sport...
How to talk nicely to your friends:
Kris: I'm on phone
Kim: I don't rightly care
When what you say isn't what you mean:
Kris: I'm starving
Kim: I'm hungry, but assure you that I am in NO danger of starvation
Kris: well, i didn't mean literally
Kim: oh, ok then
Being dirty:
Kim: what's that crazy bitch MK doing over there?
Kris: i don't know....what was the correct terminology regarding the taco?
Kim: bearded taco
Kim: vertical smile
Kris: that's a butt
Kim: If you have a yeast infection, it's a taco with sour cream
Kim: No, it's not the butt....smiles involve lips
Kris: gross
Kim: If you have gonorrhea, it's a bearded taco with guacamole...
Kim: heh
Kim: You're on the rag? Ahhh..you've got hot sauce on your taco
Kim: I got a million of 'em
On making new friends:
Kris: ah, we don't get hbo or showtime
Kim: that's because you're friends with Tibet...
Kris: correct
Kim: I, on the other hand, am friends with Guatemala
Kim: and you don't get to be friends with the big GTMA without premium channels
What friends will do for each other:
Kris: I think I'm going to barf
Kim: really?
Kim: can I watch?
Kris: sure
Kim: excellent...call me when you're going to hurl. I'll come hold your hair for you
Kris: thanks!
Kim: any time!
When your friends ignore you:
Kim: I've been waiting and waiting
Kim: yet, no invitation for coffee has come my way
Kim: *sigh*
Kris: huh, I was waiting for you
Kim: waiting for me to what...drop dead?
How to talk to authority figures:
Kris: he told me I could call him Jim
Kim: Yes, but can you preface it with "Jungle" or is that inappropriate?
I adore my friends. I consider many of you friends and hope to some day have strange conversations with you that will lead to this kind of foolishness. Just know that I save histories. I think it's really kind of funny to look back and see how you've changed, how your inside jokes evolved. And, it makes me smile to know that I'm not the only idiotic person in this world who acts so totally gay much of the time!
What kind of reminders do you keep around to remind you how fun your friends really are?
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