What you talkin' 'bout Willis?

I spend a lot of time listening to music. I don't give a hoot what type of music I'm listening to, just so long as I can understand the words and the song makes sense as a whole. My mind is like a vault when it comes to song lyrics. I may not always know who sang a song, but if I've ever listened to it and enjoyed it, even just a little bit, you can bet your sweet ass I know the lyrics to it. Inevitably, there will come a song that you just can't figure out the lyrics to. These days, you can just hit the internet and find out what they are. However, being the trooper that I am, that is my absolute last resort. I will listen to it over and over and over again, trying to figure out just what the person is saying. Often times, I think I know it. Then I sing it in front of someone and they laugh. Not at my hideous voice, but my obvious error in interpreting what the vocalist was saying.

Some of the more popular examples that I know of seem to be universal:


CCR: There's a bathroom on the right

Hendrix: Excuse me while I kiss this guy

Manfred Mann: Wrapped up like a douche

There are literally thousands of these. I have a few that I've misheard and was convinced that I was right at the time. I thought it would be fun to share them.

1) I've talked about this before: "Hollaback Girl". The first time I heard this song, Gwen sang it live on SNL. I looked at my husband and started laughing. He asked what was so funny. I said "Well honey, she's singing 'I ain't no Harlem black girl'. Don't you think that's funny?

2) From Brown Eyed Girl: "Going down on the old man with a transistor radio"

3) From Winter Wonderland: "Later on, we'll perspire as we dream by the fire"

4) More CCR: Doo, doo, doo, poopin' out my back door.

Incidentally, this love of music has helped me make up hundreds of alternate songs on the fly. There's nothing funnier than making up words as you go along. For example, when I became a mom and wanted to sing my son "Hush Little Baby", I wasn't sure how the song went. So, long before he could talk, I made up my own version. What makes it even funnier is that I made it up as I sang it. No pausing, no stuttering, it just flowed. It goes a little something like this.

Hush little baby don't say a word
Mamma's gonna buy you a mocking bird
If that mocking bird don't sing
Mamma's gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring turns brass
Mamma's gonna kick the jeweler's ass

And then, I laughed so hard, I couldn't continue. I looked up the words on the internet and the next time I sang it, I got a little bit closer…
Hush little baby don't say a word
Mamma's gonna buy you a mocking bird
If that mocking bird don't sing
Mamma's gonna buy you a diamond ringAnd if that diamond ring turns brass
Mamma's gonna buy you a looking glass
And if that looking glass gets broke
Mamma's gonna buy you a billy goat
And if that billy goat won't poop
Mamma's gonna buy you a basketball hoop

You should know that I've since learned all of the words and can sing it properly. But sometimes, I still sing it wrong on purpose. I think it's funnier if the billy goat won't poop. Maybe that's just me.

Your turn. What songs lyrics have YOU misheard or improvised?